The Colorful Past of Gilbert Serna

by Molly Ivins

Some people have the nerve to claim that colorful politics in Texas are a thing of the past. Pish. Piffle. Poppycock. Consider, just for fun, the case of state Rep. Gilbert Serna, Democrat of El Paso, who is slightly beleaguered these days as a consequence of an 18-month El Paso Times investigation.

In some of the leading items of interest the paper turned up, Serna is accused of:

• having sexually harassed a male employee with repeated requests for oral sex.

• offering pay raises to some employees on the condition that they share the extra money with him.

• encouraging employees to work on political and campaign matters in state offices and on state time.

Of course, the El Paso Times investigation is only about new accusations against Serna; the old ones are fairly peppy, too. Here are some highlights of his lively past, compliments of the El Paso Times:

• July 1989: Serna is indicted by an El Paso grand jury on charges of having sex with a 16-year-old boy. The boy later recants, and the charges are dropped.

• January 1990: Serna surrenders to El Paso police in connection with a break-in at a pet shop. He is arrested but never indicted on the burglary charge.

• August 1992: A Houston concert promoter accuses Serna of paying him with a bad check. El Paso prosecutors say it is a civil matter.

• March 1994: Serna is fined $100 by the Texas Ethics Commission for failing to file financial disclosure of his assets. Serna swears in an affidavit that he has no assets, saying, "My life has been full of disappointments." The commission, deeply moved, waives the fine.

• February 1995: Serna acknowledges that he owes $230,000 to the IRS. He blames the problem on a former business partner.

• November 1995: State records show a claim by Serna that he drove more than 17,000 miles on state business during his first eight months in office. Other El Paso reps averaged 3,375 miles during the same period. Lawmakers are reimbursed at 28 cents a mile.

• June 1997: Serna is arrested by Austin police on allegations of passing a bad check. He initially claims that someone might have stolen his checks and later admits insufficient funds.

Serna says, "I spend time there with my friend. I care very much for the lady. ... She's the woman I love, and I spend some time with her there." All agree this is quite touching, and it worked for the Duke of Windsor.

Serna's district has a snappy history. Before Serna was elected in '94, it was represented by "One-Term Tony" Parra, who got elected by toting a wooden cross through the district; he was a major piece of furniture in the Texas House and lost his re-election in the '94 Democratic primary. He became a Republican and died six months later of AIDS complications. Parra's predecessor was Nick Perez, who was frequently investigated by the Austin police on charges of domestic violence, according to the El Paso Times.

This is actually not the most singular history of a Texas legislative district. Amarillo had a district in the 1970s that went from felon to felon to felon. The first murdered his wife, the second bought a pickup truck with state stamps, and the third took to writing bad checks. They can get electorally careless in Amarillo, too.

The reason we dwell on the problems of Rep. Gilbert "It's a Bunch of Lies" Serna is not only to salute the El Paso Times for its excellent work but to pause to cherish the Texas tradition of malefactors in the Legislature. Our last legislative convict, state Sen. Drew Nixon, Republican of Carthage, completed his 180-day prison sentence in January for hiring a prostitute and illegally carrying a handgun. He was allowed to serve his sentence on weekends and got credited time as well, so he actually spent only about 60 days behind bars.

Nixon plans to return to work as a "full-time legislator" and told the Associated Press that he will benefit from the time he spent in jail. "It was definitely a learning experience," he said. "I see how some of the stuff we've done in the Legislature has its application. I think it's going to help me in the next session." We are all infinitely grateful.