DON'T LET YOUR KIDS GO TO FOX NEWS DURING SPRING BREAK

by Steve Young

In a surprise warning, the State Department issued a travel alert cautioning college students and teens to be mindful of the deluge of video clips depicting near-naked, gyrating women cavorting on Mexican beaches and pool sides during Spring Break that are being aired 24/7 on Fox News.

"It seems that Fox News has made an editorial decision to use an inordinate amount of video of bikini-clad coeds to support their coverage of the violent Mexican drug cartels," said a State Department spokesman. We're finding that this inappropriate marketing tactic is causing a surge of post pubescent boys to head into their rooms, sometimes three and four times a day, to watch O'Reilly/'Hannity/Van Susteren. As most nuns will tell you, that's playing with hell-fire."

During the March 3 edition of The O'Reilly Factor, while host Bill O'Reilly discussed the issue with a topless Dick Morris, he repeatedly aired footage of bouncing bikini-clad women swinging their bosoms wildly, Morris claimed, "A defenseless boy could get his eye knocked out by one of those." During the segment, O'Reilly repeatedly stated, "I would not send my kids or allow them to watch my show or any of Fox News during spring break."

Fox News pundits haven't been shy in fixing blame for the glut of titillating news stories.

"I don't like having to show this gratuitous b-roll, but if I don't show it, who will? We're not going to get these pictures from the liberal mainstream media," said Hannity host, Sean Hannity. "Obviously, the profusion of ample, young, voluptuous breasts are meant to distract the public from the poor performance by the Obama White House. We certainly didn't see Fox News, or any other media outlet for that matter, revealing this level of erotic news clips during the Bush years."

Although not actually banning kids from watching Fox News, the State Department has "Have Fun/Watch Safely" on spring break, with tips for students planning to watch Fox News behind locked bedroom doors.

"While it is not the practice of the State Department to keep kids from having fun, during Spring Break we feel we must make parents aware of the potential for larger than normal loads of soiled laundry," said White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs.